Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Chronicles of a depressive maniac: In a recent interview,the great tennis champion Ro...
Chronicles of a depressive maniac: In a recent interview,the great tennis champion Ro...: In a recent interview,the great tennis champion Roger Federer replied to a question on Improvement , "You would always question yourself wh...
In a recent interview,the great tennis champion Roger Federer replied to a question on Improvement,"You would always question yourself when your'e losing,that's human,but it's tough to remember to question yourself when your'e winning".
Not a apt start to a blog,i know,but the point is that its just as incredibly tough to take up success as is to take failure.You see,as a person learning mathematics,the ratio of SUCCESS/FAILURE is incredibly low.Take solving puzzles for example(not those newspaper ones or the easy doosy ones,the real hard ones),it takes you 10 tries to get to the answer.Some people can handle this and some people can't.When the puzzle is super huge,this is where depression steps in.
It ain't supernatural,its only a matter of time before you break.Your'e learning at an unbelievable pace,trying to cram in so much math in such little time and working out everything along the way,you realize something's gotta give at some moment.So,it was for me,3 days before an exam i prepared for 8 months,i broke and broke badly i did.I learnt 4 years of bachelor math in 8 months and my head felt weird.
As time passes by,you realize that you've got to make use of the 'SANE' moments.Its something like a bipolar disorder and OCD combined,your'e super cool and super intelligent one moment and the next moment you wanna fling yourself off the roof and urges to keep washing your hands are relentless.Medicines,swimming pool,the beach,nothing would work.Amazingly,meeting people did.It seemed tough to keep up appearances but the important thing is to 'OPEN UP'.Very few people do so because of the fear of embarrassment.
-Who gives a shit if you dress badly when your'e suicidal eh?
Anyways,i haven't chronicled my depression cycles accurately enough,the therapist did that for me back in Germany and i left it at that(BAD IDEA).So enjoy the good days while you can,and keep track of the bad ones.
1.Acting weird...DUUH
2.Not eating anything(not even junk food)
3.Sitting in front of a wall and hoping you had the brain of a Gold Fish.
4.Urinating frequently
5.Urge to get back to doing what you usually do
6.Losing the skill of conversation
1.Bouncing around in a carnatic concert hall
or
Dancing like crazy in the party floor and discover later that all your friends left(Downer but what the heck!)
2.Solving super hard puzzles
3.Growing muscles
4.Somehow always bumping into girls
5.No control over money
6.Working 16 hours a day.etc
7.Drinking lots and lots of coffee
OVER AND OUT.
Its tough-going,your heart is jacked up at times and there are times when you can't feel your pulse.The hardest part is when the people around you don't believe you.They brush it off as just another scientific mumbo-jumbo,psychology has not penetrated so much into the Orients.
You pick up the phone and dial everyone you know,no one understands what your'e going through,what's worse is that you meet them with a veil.You step out into the world and cover the character underneath.
Side note:Watch the movie 'Mr.Jones' and you'll see the extreme side of bipolar disorder.That's not all that common.
Also,Howard Hughes suffered from bipolar disorder and don't suspect he knew he had it,so your'e at an advantage your living in the 21st century.But,it starts getting annoying when therapist starts pointing out acronyms.
Not a apt start to a blog,i know,but the point is that its just as incredibly tough to take up success as is to take failure.You see,as a person learning mathematics,the ratio of SUCCESS/FAILURE is incredibly low.Take solving puzzles for example(not those newspaper ones or the easy doosy ones,the real hard ones),it takes you 10 tries to get to the answer.Some people can handle this and some people can't.When the puzzle is super huge,this is where depression steps in.
WALKING WITH A HUNCH:
It ain't supernatural,its only a matter of time before you break.Your'e learning at an unbelievable pace,trying to cram in so much math in such little time and working out everything along the way,you realize something's gotta give at some moment.So,it was for me,3 days before an exam i prepared for 8 months,i broke and broke badly i did.I learnt 4 years of bachelor math in 8 months and my head felt weird.
As time passes by,you realize that you've got to make use of the 'SANE' moments.Its something like a bipolar disorder and OCD combined,your'e super cool and super intelligent one moment and the next moment you wanna fling yourself off the roof and urges to keep washing your hands are relentless.Medicines,swimming pool,the beach,nothing would work.Amazingly,meeting people did.It seemed tough to keep up appearances but the important thing is to 'OPEN UP'.Very few people do so because of the fear of embarrassment.
-Who gives a shit if you dress badly when your'e suicidal eh?
Anyways,i haven't chronicled my depression cycles accurately enough,the therapist did that for me back in Germany and i left it at that(BAD IDEA).So enjoy the good days while you can,and keep track of the bad ones.
Symptoms of the bad phase:
1.Acting weird...DUUH
2.Not eating anything(not even junk food)
3.Sitting in front of a wall and hoping you had the brain of a Gold Fish.
4.Urinating frequently
5.Urge to get back to doing what you usually do
6.Losing the skill of conversation
Symptoms of the good phase:
1.Bouncing around in a carnatic concert hall
or
Dancing like crazy in the party floor and discover later that all your friends left(Downer but what the heck!)
2.Solving super hard puzzles
3.Growing muscles
4.Somehow always bumping into girls
5.No control over money
6.Working 16 hours a day.etc
7.Drinking lots and lots of coffee
OVER AND OUT.
Its tough-going,your heart is jacked up at times and there are times when you can't feel your pulse.The hardest part is when the people around you don't believe you.They brush it off as just another scientific mumbo-jumbo,psychology has not penetrated so much into the Orients.
You pick up the phone and dial everyone you know,no one understands what your'e going through,what's worse is that you meet them with a veil.You step out into the world and cover the character underneath.
Side note:Watch the movie 'Mr.Jones' and you'll see the extreme side of bipolar disorder.That's not all that common.
Also,Howard Hughes suffered from bipolar disorder and don't suspect he knew he had it,so your'e at an advantage your living in the 21st century.But,it starts getting annoying when therapist starts pointing out acronyms.
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